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Let’s talk about one of the greatest hacks to personal and professional growth: learning to suspend your ego. It’s a lesson I’m working on every single day, and while it’s not easy, it’s transformational. So many of the roadblocks to growth—whether it’s not being able to take feedback, refusing to see another’s perspective, or resisting change—are rooted in ego. Let’s explore what ego really is, how it can hold us back, and what we can do to keep it in check.
What Is Ego?
Ego is our sense of self. It’s the voice in our head that tells us who we are and what we stand for. While ego isn’t inherently bad, it becomes a problem when it gets overly defensive or rigid.
When the ego takes over, it sees feedback as an attack, alternative viewpoints as threats, and change as dangerous. It’s as if the ego says, “I’m right, and that’s final.” But that mindset creates a wall that blocks us from growing.
How Ego Holds Us Back
- Ego Rejects Feedback. When we can’t separate our sense of worth from the work we do, any critique feels personal. Instead of seeing feedback as an opportunity to improve, we’re more likely to dismiss or avoid it.
- Ego Resists Other Perspectives. The ego thrives on certainty, which means it struggles with perspectives that challenge our existing beliefs. This resistance keeps us from learning from others and broadening our understanding of the world.
- Ego Fears Change. Change can feel like losing control, and the ego doesn’t like that. But in a world that’s evolving faster than ever, staying adaptable is essential for growth.
Lessons I’m Learning
In residency, like any job, you work with tons of different people. And each one of these people have preferences. This past month, I was on m y emergency orthopedics rotation where I take consults related to orthopedic, hand, and spine emergencies. Following every consult that I see, I write a note outlining the encounter. Well, one of the first pieces of critical feedback that I received from a senior resident early on was that my notes could use some "bulking up."
An initial part of me felt defensive as all throughout medical school we learn how to go from long-winded notes that aren’t helpful, to those that are concise and straightforward. And when I am seeing so many different consults that requires efficiency on my end, I have to focus on only the most important things.
But if I let my ego take control, I would have missed an opportunity to learn from this senior resident and incorporate his experience into my own improvement. I put my ego aside and used his feedback to improve my notes, and now I'm actually much happier with how they are now compared to when I started.
How You Can Suspend Your Ego
- Adopt a Growth Mindset. Start seeing feedback as fuel for improvement rather than an attack on your character. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”
- Practice Active Listening. When someone shares a different perspective, resist the urge to form your rebuttal immediately. Instead, focus on truly understanding their point of view.
- Embrace the Uncomfortable. Growth happens outside your comfort zone. When you feel defensive or resistant, it’s often a sign that you’re facing something that can help you grow.
- Reflect Regularly. Take time to evaluate how your ego might be influencing your decisions. Journaling or talking with a mentor can help you identify blind spots.
The more we learn to quiet our ego, the more open we become to the lessons, growth, and opportunities life has to offer. It’s not about being perfect but about being willing to learn. Let’s work on this together.
Quote for Reflection
“The ego is the enemy of what you want and of what you have: of mastering a craft, of real creative insight, of working well with others, of building loyalty and support.” — Ryan Holiday
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JR
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